During the prekids phase of marriage, the focus of your relationship is on a party of two, and if you're lucky, it's pretty blissful. But once your duo becomes a trio — or more — it's all too easy to lose sight of the importance of that core partnership. While adults are (hopefully!) reasonably self-sufficient, babies and beyond require a whole lot of care, and that can be taxing on even the strongest of relationships. How you make it work is really up to you and your partner, but we're most certain that putting any or all of these eight tips into practice will give your marriage the postkiddos boost it craves!
Make Time For One Another . . .
It may be obvious, it may be cliche, but it's crucial! If all of your time together is spent with kids, chances are, you'll lose sight of the things that made you fall in love in the first place. Make date
nights a priority — however and whenever they fit into your schedule.
But Also For Yourself
"Me time" is the easiest thing for a busy mom to cut out of her schedule. It usually falls to the bottom of the priority ranking of family, relationship, work, and friendships. But carving out even an hour a week to do the things you love to do on your own will make you a happier, more satisfied spouse.
Don't Play Martyr
If you feel like you bear the brunt of the household chores and familial responsibility and have any sort of resentment about it, stop playing martyr — immediately. Your spouse may be completely oblivious to the situation and is probably more than willing to hear you out. Let your spouse know that you're overwhelmed, and come up with a solution instead of offering passive-aggressive jabs.
You Still Need Your Girlfriends
You'll always need your girlfriends! While girls' nights probably happen far less frequently now that you're a mom, don't underestimate the women in your life. Being able to share experiences, frustrations, and laughs with people whose company you truly enjoy will make you a happier individual and can in turn take some of the pressure off your partner from being your sole adult sounding board.
Keep Up Traditions For the Two of You
If an annual weekend getaway or monthly dinner and a movie were part of your prekids life together, make an effort to stick with these traditions for two. While we typically associate family traditions with holidays and rituals that everyone is in on, remember that it's OK to carve out some adults-only time too.
Don't Play Familial Favorites
It's impossible to feel the same way about your in-laws as you do your own family (for better or for worse), but there's no surer way to create a divide between yourself and your spouse than playing favorites in front of your kids.
Find the good in both sides of the family, and play up the positive in front of your children. If you need to vent or complain, do so when you and your partner are alone (or, better yet, do so with those fab girlfriends mentioned above!).
Present a United Front
Is there anything worse than taking a firm stance on a parenting position only to have your partner play "good cop" in front of the kids? Whether it's a silly request or a serious issue, form a united front to present to your kids, and stick to it — both of you.
Take a Night Off
If you can swing it, once a year (or more!), be sure to take a night off — all the way off — for yourselves. Whether the kids go sleep over at grandma and grandpa's, mom and dad check into a hotel, or it's a full-blown weekend getaway, having a full 24-hour respite will do you a world of good!
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